On August 22, 2011 I officiated my very first regular season volleyball match. This is important because this day has meaning beyond this volleyball match. This day, August 22nd, changed my life dramatically. In the last 21 years, August 22nd has come and gone easier each time, but for the first time this year I feel that I should tell everyone else about my feelings on this day. I hope that maybe this will break the ice for those of struggling each day and open a dialogue where no one might judge you for your feelings and where someone might listen without question to what you have to say.
On Wednesday August 22nd, 1990, my life changed forever. I lost a part of my life that I would never get back; I lost a piece of me. I lost someone who is important to a child’s development. It changed everything about me as a person but it also made me into the person I am today. It made me thankful for every person in my life, friend or foe. I made me appreciate the small things in life and to live every second to the fullest. In a moment, it changed me to something that it took me many years to understand. On that afternoon, my father, Randall Wayne Whaley, committed suicide in our home. Luckily for me, the best mother Anita Callis in the world was aware of what was happening and she took us from the house before it happened. We went to a friend’s house and waited until someone could confirm what had happened. My memory of that day is fading with each year that passes but I will never forget losing my dad. It is one of the hardest things that can happen to a child. It was also one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had and it taught me so much about humility and honesty. I learned a lot about myself and my friends and family in the days following that day.
As hard as this was for me then, it has been inevitably harder to not dwell upon this every day since this happened. It took many years to realize the ins and outs of my feelings. Some days I fought the feelings, other days I hid them. Then I opened dialogue with any one that would listen. I would tell them my story, which in the end has allowed me to write this in hopes of helping someone else. I have learned over the last 21 years that each person has a story and that telling that story may provide comfort to that person. I have also learned that hearing the stories can offer perspective to those seeking guidance. It helps that I have had such supportive family and friends as it is this support system that gets your through anything.
Suicide is difficult. There are far-reaching consequences that the person making this decision does not have enough clarity of mind to process. There are many factors that can lead to suicide, such as depression, drug addiction, genetics, and social standing can all play apart in suicide. It may be a combination of these factors; it may be the only way, in their mind, to escape something that they are dealing with personally. They may leave a note explaining it, they may not. There are different methods. Suicide is a terrible thing but it does not have to dictate how you remember that person. I do not remember my dad for committing suicide but for loving me. I can remember him coaching my baseball team and teaching me carpentry. Like I said my memories are fading because I was so young. Suicide affects people of many ages and many walks of life. It does not define me but it is a part of me. It will always be a part of me. It does not control me and it does not stop me from being the best I can be. The most important thing is that suicide is not the end but a new beginning, a chance to renew yourself and your outlook and how you can change the world. I might not change the world greatly but I hope that I do enough to help someone else facing what I have faced.
On August 22, 2011, I officiated my first regular season volleyball match. The following day I flew to Chicago with my wife and we enjoyed a vacation watching the Cubs and seeing our favorite city. On this day, I never had a thought about suicide. I never had a thought about that day 21 years ago. You might ask why I would forget. I have not forgotten, but I have accepted what happened and learned to deal with it over the years. I have not forgotten the day that changed my life. I have learned to live with it and not let it define me. I do not think about it on a regular basis and even when I do, I am not sad. I am happy for who I have become and what I have in my life. I am proud to have a mother who saw me through this and a wife who is very understanding as well. I am also appreciative of my brothers and sister and my stepdad who have helped me throughout this learning adventure we call life. It will never go away but it has a place that is not at the forefront of my life any longer.
I know that right now might not be the best time for some of you to read this but it may help ease the pain. It may give you hope that suicide will not define you and that you will make it through. I know your pain and I know how awful you hurt. I know how difficult the coming days and months will be for you. I also know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it now but one day you will. One day you will realize that suicide is not your life. It will always be a part of you but you can defeat the feeling and be anything you want to be. I want to be someone that changes the world. Someone that inspires others to be the very best they can be, but mostly someone that you can lean on if you need to. The pain and hurt are always there but it is what you do with that pain that makes a difference. Talking about suicide is the most important way to deal with feelings and in preventing suicide. There is no shame in suicide.
So I post this today, not as a guide or for sympathy, but to share with you that I know where you have been and where you are headed. I know that it takes time and that each person is different and grieves in their own way. I understand that life seems impossible right now and I know that it takes time, but you will get through it. If anyone that reads this would like to talk, I would gladly share my story with you and talk about anything you would like. Also, I would like to invite that each person that reads this to join me in supporting World Suicide Prevention Day. You can do so by visiting this link and attending their support event. I would appreciate it as would anyone else touched by Suicide.
www.facebook.com/IASPinfo
This week I’m going to tackle a hot and controversial subject right now – Healthcare. I know that are vastly different views on this subject and I respect that, so if there is disagreement let’s keep it civil and understanding.
Healthcare is a controversial issue in our society today. There are 2 very different views on healthcare and its importance. While healthcare is not a given right, according to the UDHR, Universal Declaration of Human Rights, but the UDHR does guarantee us the right to a standard of living adequate for health and well-being. This seems to state that since our government agreed to the UDHR, that each person in the United States shall have the opportunity to attain reasonable healthcare in order to achieve a proper standard of living. If you have never read the UDHR, which I assume most have not, it will serve to open your eyes to the conflict in our society about things that our government agreed that should be provided to the citizens of the Unites States. I urge you read this document which I will link to Wikipedia for you, UDHR.
After reading this document, you may question why there is an upheaval in our society regarding healthcare and social security. It is interesting that while many believe that these services are vital to our nation surviving, many are so short sighted that they care for no one other than themselves. While these things are laid out in a document signed by our leaders we refuse to see the need to help those less fortunate than one self, unless the media urges you to help a struggling society, such as Haiti after the earthquake. It baffles me that we spent so much time and energy on Haiti and Chile had devastating earthquakes soon after and they seemed to be an afterthought. While I believe that humanitarian aid is needed, it should be applied equally across the board, such is the case with healthcare. Wealth should not play a factor in whether or not some receives the care and service they need to survive an emergency or to live a life of less pain.
Why should there be a difference in the care that neighbors and friends receive? I do not believe that there should be any difference. Why should a doctor look at the patient and treat them on the basis of what they can afford? We should all be guaranteed to receive the best care when needed. No matter the ability to pay, everything possible should be done to make sure the person in need of care gets the best care possible.
I understand that costs are prohibitive and that no one wants to pay more taxes or cut other programs to fund subsidized healthcare to those who cannot afford it. On one hand, why should we sacrifice some for others? On the other, why should we not give up some failed or worthless programs to fund this venture? Government run healthcare may not be the best option but what are the other options. Should we just allow insurance companies to raise premiums, deny coverage, or drop subscribers at their own will? I find it deplorable that any person thinks that dropping someone because they contract a disease that cost more to treat than most, or if that person has a pre-existing condition that they have no way of getting rid of.
Not all people can afford to pay exorbitant premiums for subpar insurance. Just look at the person checking you out at your favorite retailer to the person handing you your food at the drive-thru window. The companies they work offer insurance to those who qualify but the insurance premiums would be a large part of the salary of those workers. What about parents who work jobs where they depend on that week to week pay to keep the family afloat, they cannot afford to go and buy private insurance for 2 adults and 2 children. These are the people who need the help most and many of those that have insurance are not willing to help even though the help would change nothing about your own insurance. Think about the possibility of being able to treat the sick so that they become strong and can contribute to society again? It would life changing for the recipient and also society changing as some positive contribution to society could again be achieved. This is a huge positive.
I, myself, was without insurance for the better part of my life. Never to worry, I was not sickly. I have been lucky to be pretty healthy. There comes a time when everyone will need it and they should never have to worry about receiving the need treatment. How awful that is when someone gets cancer, insurance drops them because their treatment is so expensive. Or when someone becomes so sick she can no longer work, she cannot get disability because no can prove what exactly is wrong. I know people who faced these situations and I know they deserve better. All Americans deserve better. I do not believe that the new healthcare legislation is the solution, but it is step in a needed direction. If Americans can see a doctor all their lives, think about healthy we could be and how we could get a jump on illness that strike later in life. Every person deserves the best care available and our government needs to provide it and it is my hope that after the monumental legislation just passed, our lawmakers quit sitting on their hands and start providing our country with something to be proud, a national healthcare initiative for everyone, not just those that can afford to pay steep premiums.
The next topic I will tackle is Capital Punishment. Capital Punishment has become a dividing point in America in the last 30 plus years. Much like abortion, this issue inflames most audiences and can lead to some tension in discussion, leading most to keep their opinions to themselves. I find capital punishment to be a great topic of discussion and I hope to get that out of this post.
My belief is that capital punishment is something that we should end immediately. Not only are there uncertainties concerning the evidence used to convict some on death row, there is also a rising concern about police work in some of these cases. High profile cases are a great stress on police forces and can lead some overzealous officers to use very circumstantial evidence in order to make a case against a defendant who may be completely innocent. Sometimes we are quick to judge and lax on checking the information completely. The Innocence Project, a group who focuses on wrongful convictions, has proven that 36 death row inmates were innocent based on DNA found at the crimes they supposedly committed. The last 2 that I read about had been in prison for 22 and 34 years respectively. Robbed of a chance at life by overzealous police work. This is reason one to end capital punishment.
Second on my list of reasons is the cost of maintaining death row inmates through execution. Most would think that the cost of executing a capital case would be smaller than housing a prisoner for life. This is absolutely false. Inmates are guaranteed the right to appeal. These appeals can drag out for 10 years or more. Along with these appeals, are attorney cost, both prosecution and defense, and investigation cost. The numbers are quite staggering. On average, the cost to prosecute and house a prisoner for life is around $500,000. The same cost for capital case is around $2.5 million. This does not seem like much but when you add the number of executions since reinstatement in 1977, 1100, and the current number on death row , around 3,300, it really adds up. $11 trillion is the total cost of capital cases since 1977. If those inmates were prosecuted and housed for life the cost would have been just $2.2 billion. This leaves a difference of $8.8 trillion dollars that could have been spent on other programs. This could have meant a bump in education funding, money to help with healthcare reform, or more federal money for states that are struggling. Maybe a better use for our money than using it for capital punishment.
My third and final reason is moral belief. Raised as a Christian, I was taught that forgiveness was an important part of Christian life and belief. I understand that some see the acts as gruesome and unforgivable and that those that committed these acts deserve no forgiveness, but who are we to judge the ones that have committed the acts. I agree that these acts are terrible but I also see that being put to death allows that person to escape the real punishment for his acts. The inmate having to live in confinement everyday for the rest of his life must continually think about his actions, deal with the emotions everyday while never being free again. That seems to be punishment more than allowing them to die by execution would ever be. It is my hope that one day we no longer sponsor murder by our states, but we sponsor true punishment such as life without parole which means never leaving prison again. This may not rehabilitate, but it would inflict sufficient enough punishment to those faced with it while saving time and money for other programs in our government.
My next topic is the education system in the United States. Education is very important in life, which is why the continued systemic failure of individuals under the current education system is an issue that needs to be addressed at this moment rather than later. While education is important, it is also vital that the individuals, be it children or adults, gain an understanding to the world in correlation with that education. The accelerated rate at which we are expected to learn the material and pass a test of that knowledge makes it nearly impossible to relate the material learned to uses in the real world. This issue is at the heart of the problem.
Standardized tests have taken what was an education system that taught values along with material, to teaching what material the government or elected officials deem as necessary to achieve a level of understanding acceptable to these authorities. I find it absurd that these officials think that you can determine someone’s level of understanding by testing for an arbitrary piece of the over knowledge of a subject. Sure math and science are important, but the difficulty and expansive amount of material prevent rudimentary retention of this information. This leads to having to review certain techniques yearly in order to comprehend the subject. Should we not focus on how to teach these basic techniques so that may learned instead of memorized, allowing for more depth in our education.
Education funding is another important aspect in improving the education system. This funding is always the subject to cutting in order to make room for other projects or departments. While math and science funding are rarely reduced, physical education and arts programs are the prime departments for cuts. As important as math and science are the arts and physical education are just as important in shaping young minds. I would venture to say that I learned as much in four years of marching band as I did in four years of math or science. I learned what it meant to be part of group and how to conduct myself in a respectable way as a representative of our school. These life lessons are just as important as math and science knowledge that may never be used in life but these skills have been pushed aside in order to make room for the things that are tested for on the standardized test used to test aptitude. What aptitude are we testing for exactly? The ability to memorize and regurgitate information is not the most important skill that students need. They need someone to show the proper way to apply the material learned to situations that occur in life. Education is the backbone of our society and so much of our focus is on testing children instead of making sure they are prepared to live as productive citizens. Education needs to be our focus going forward and it needs to be overhauled so that our children are not being left behind.
Welcome to my mind. The thoughts you read here are a reflection of my beliefs along with the things I have learned about the subjects I discuss. I do not wish to push my beliefs on anyone but rather create an environment where we can freely discuss the differences or agreements in belief. With this out of my way I will tackle my first entry, Haiti, while it is fresh on everyone’s mind.
While I find that the tragedy of the earthquake in Haiti deplorable, it brings back light the way in which we respond to desperate situations elsewhere, but overlook them at home. Life throws many things at you and the people of Haiti did not ask for the destruction of the earthquakes. They are not who I am writing about, instead I focus on our response and the response of the people that we look to the most for influence, celebrities.
While I applaud all of those who have donated for their help, I wonder where that help is for families struggling through the economic crisis here in the United States. Luckily, my wife and I have jobs and a home to enjoy, even though times have not been easy for us either. There are so many here in the United States that have lost nearly everything they had in life. Where are the overflowing donations for those people? They are left to collect paltry unemployment, if they qualify, or accept salaries far below what it takes to keep there families afloat. This land is supposed to be great for everyone, not just those that can afford it. What happened to our sense of wanting to help our neighbors? Have we become so selfish and materialistic that helping our neighbors, with whom we may have shared many moments in life become second to making a donation to help elsewhere around the world?
I’m not saying that we should not be concerned with the events in Haiti or in Darfur, but my desire is that those who are willing to give to these causes also look to help at home. We are quick to send a text to donate 10 dollars to the Haitian relief efforts but are we so quick to drop a 10 dollar check in the mail to the Nashville Rescue Mission, Habitat for Humanity, or the Salvation Army. Most are not. I would have been one of those before but having seen the problems we are facing at home, it moves me to want to help here as well as abroad. So, from here on out, I challenge each of you to contribute the same amount you are contributing to Darfur or Haiti to local relief efforts, so that we can help our neighbors get back on their feet.
